i have officially piqued, i’ll never be funnier than this moment in time
i was walking through the grocery store ignoring everyone and i walked around the corner and ran right into this old mans cart and i was like “oh god, my bad, i didn’t see you there” and when i looked up, he was wearing all camo. down to his hat. his wife lost it laughing. i’ll never be funny again
i had a dream i went to nintendo and they revealed to me that all this time the real pokemon designer was this Russian guy named Vladimir Pokemondesigner and i asked him why he named jigglypuff that and he said “is puff. is jiggly. are you a jokester?” and crushed my head like an empty soda can
Liam: I get some, like, a lathering cream…
Taliesin: You’re not!
Liam: I didn’t shave off his whole beard!
Liam: …only half!
Matt: …make a stealth check for this.
Liam: DM, DM! I rolled a natural 20!
Travis: [crushes a pencil]
Matt: …he just broke a mechanical pencil!
Laura: Why are you so evil?
Liam: Why did he trip me and make me eat shit two months ago?