What if there were women’s cleanliness products that were marketed the way Old Spice stuff is? Like they had names like “Lioness” and “Sycamore” and “Wildfire” and “Hunter’s Moon” and they were touted as making you smell like a warrior queen who does not suffer fools and conquers all she beholds
HELLO LADIES
have you felt the primal call of the unmerciful sea calling you to strike down those who would defy you? no? well if you stopped using overpriced flower-scented body wash and switched to SEA HAG, you might.
look down.
back up. where are you? you’re a siren, bare-breasted and shrieking as you lure the unwary to their doom on the rocks below. and you smell amazing.
what’s in your hand? back at me. it’s a vial of skin-nourishing ingredients, derived from the seaweed you used to strangle a hated foe. it does wonders for your skin tone and resilience, and we all can agree that we will need that resilience in the coming war.
look again: the seaweed is now a formal apology from the last man who unnecessarily tried to explain something to you.
anything is possible when you smell like a vengeful sea witch and embrace your own rage. i’m on a narwhal.
I’m a fucking sucker for “gentle giant” characters like theres nothing better than seeing a character who could crush you but is also a fucking sweatheart
my french prof: if you’re talking about a girl cat, you still have to use the masculine. “une chatte” is something… related to cats, but it’s inappropriate and you don’t have any reason to be using it in the context of this class. don’t use it anymore please
everyone for the next 10 minutes: pussy? oh, pussy? pussy? is it pussy? pussy? pussy? pussy? pussy? pussy?
&as long as you’re not disrespecting a culture with the way you do it
you keep on doing you
Its like someone looked into my brain and decided to make a photo set based on men I would find so overwhelmingly attractive I couldn’t look directly at them if I met them in person
I have decided on a new constellation. I call it The Bees. If you look up at the night sky and see all those sparkly dots, congratulations. You see The Bees. I have just made astrology 10000x easier, you’re welcome.
Wolf in Shepherd's Clothing 