i-am-a-fish:

wellnothello:

i-am-a-fish:

Hey you bastard!

*starts cartwheeling towards you*

Hahahahahahah. What a huge Mistake you’ve made. Little do you know, as a child I was subjected to gargantuan barrels of fish being thrown at me by my stern mother. Every time I ate, actually. Being as slow as a below average human, I was never able to dodge. I am a prideful guy. I would not be subjected to this any longer. As the years went by, I trained myself in the art of jaw-opening. I’ve won several contests, including ones against snakes. I’ve eaten frogs, tires, shelves, small children, those spinny seats at the playground. All easy. My Mother Was No Different. Neither Are You. As your small, advanced-for-a-fish brain quickly figures out how another object tumbling toward me migh meet it’s fate, I will be ready, jaw down to my knees, eyes bulging, mouth watering, arms outstretched, waiting, waiting, for the fresh, unsalted, greatly welcomed taste of my newest victum.

uh hey buddy I was supposed to be the weird guy in this post